So, that golf tournament was this weekend. Bearing in mind that it was only my fourth or fifth time on an actual golf course, my performance was still comically atrocious.

The winner shot a 69. I shot a 68 on the front nine. My final score was 20 strokes worse than that of an 85 year old man with arthritis who was playing in the same tourney.

I better figure this game out before I finish that MBA.

Sheriffs at an LA jail want to install a heat ray to quell disturbances. This is a scaled back version of the military-grade weapon, and it’s supposed to have a 3 second maximum duration per blast. Civil rights groups didn’t take long to get up in arms over it, stating that it is “tantamount to torture,” that this particular area has a history of abusing prisoners, and that several test subjects have lasting burns.

Cmdr. Bob Osborne, who oversees technology for the sheriff’s department, said the concerns were unfounded. He said he stood in front of the beam more than 50 times and that it never caused any sort of lasting damage.

It’s all well and good that this guy seems to have a heat ray fetish, but talk about something that would have to be regulated. Not to mention the thing hasn’t been around long enough to identify truly long-term problems. Could it accelerate the development of skin cancer? Then again, if it doesn’t injure, it is a couple steps up from shooting bean bags and tear gas.

The obvious argument is “who cares, they’re prisoners.” I’d be fine with that if there was some sort of guarantee that it would only be used against rapists, murderers, pedophiles, and celebrities doing a stint in jail. One of the problems is that once this is instituted in a jail, how far down the slope is it for police officers to have one mounted on their car? And if the next point is that it would be used only when needed, take a look at how tasers have been abused by the po-po lately.

I guess there’s no real opinion about it yet. Other than the fact that all parties involved better damn well know what this thing is capable of before they institute it.

Another example showing how difficult it is for a blind guy to read a teleprompter. What an excellent verbal slip.

Just north of Indianapolis at this moment. The capital of The Land of the Great Flatness, ie. Ohio-Indiana-Illinois. Heading to Chicago this morning, then to Columbus, OH for a family gathering with Kate’s aunts and uncles and grandmother.

We have officially crossed the Bob Evans/ Waffle House line of Demarcation.

A lovely George Carlin quote I ran across today, from Napalm and Silly Putty:

In the midst of all my bitching, you might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. I leave that to others. And there’s no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. Everyone says they suck.

But where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky; they don’t pass through a membrane from a separate reality. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. And they’re elected by American voters. This is what our system produces, folks. This is the best we can do. Let’s face it, we have very little to work with. Garbage in, garbage out.

Ignorant citizens elect ignorant leaders, it’s as simple as that. And term limits don’t help. All you do is get a new bunch of ignorant leaders.

So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. Like the public. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Elect me.” Put the blame where it belongs: on the people.

Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don’t have people like that. Everyone’s at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians.

For myself, I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way. On Election Day, I stay home. Two reasons: first of all, voting is meaningless; this country was bought and paid for a long time ago. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years doesn’t mean a thing.

Second, I don’t vote, because I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. I know some people like to twist that around and say, “If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain.” But where’s the logic in that? Think it through: If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and you screw things up, then you’re responsible for what they’ve done. You voted them in. You caused the problem. You have no right to complain.

I, on the other hand, who did not vote—who, in fact, did not even leave the house on Election Day—am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created. Which I had nothing to do with. Why can’t people see that?

Now, I realize last year you folks had another one of those really swell presidential elections you treasure so much. That was nice. I’m sure you had a good time, and I’m sure that everyone’s life has now improved. But I’m happy to say that on Election Day I stayed home. And I did essentially what you did. The only difference is when I got finished masturbating I had something to show for it.

So if you haven’t seen this video of a candidate for governor in the great state of Tennessee, you are in for a Thursday morning treat.

I like to recall all permit and registration for guns. Everyone carry guns if you kill someone? No you get murdered and you go to jail.

He also wants to stop traffic stops. So, you know, he’s got his finger on the pulse of America.

The Sports Illustrated online vault is the greatest thing ever.

Captions?

An interesting article on the Italian economy. It is designed around loyalty, family, careful manufacturing, and with no interest in growth. It’s like someone set out to make the exact opposite of the American economy in a lab, just to see what would happen.