Thoughts on Bills/Dolphins

A few thoughts as I reflect on a too-rare 31-14 thrashing of the ‘phins at the Ralph.

  • Damn, Fitz has some wheels. I did not see that coming.
  • Another week, another long touchdown strike on an audible. This guy really knows how to read a defense, and he sure has a rapport with TO.
  • I’m like Perry Fewell more and more. This team did not look like the hangdog, let’s play not to lose bunch that they were even a few weeks ago. They look fired up for a change.
  • Was that a Maybin sighting?
  • A little bit better clock management at the end of the half, but not by much.
  • Finally, the Drayton Florence that played in San Diego and not the one that got cut by the Jags.
  • Ashlee Palmer, Chris Draft, Ellis Lankster — do we have any starters from the beginning of our season left in the defense?
  • A short week — the next game is Thursday night, against the Jets in Toronto. Last I heard, there were a _ton_ of tickets left. Apparently Canadians don’t like their football with 11 men and 4 downs. Hope it sells out, or it’s a blackout around here.

The Bills are now 4-7 and I’m 73% (8/11) on my predictions from the beginning of the season. Not bad considering how much has changed.

28 Responses to “Thoughts on Bills/Dolphins”

  1. Pitt says:

    In the overall scheme of things, things haven’t really changed all that much. Essentially, the Bills suck, they just suck in a slightly more differenter way. But the amount of suck, or Suck Level (S.L. for short) has remained relatively constant. Thus, predicting future games based on the current SL will likely yield similar results as predicting games using the SL from the beginning of the season, though the reasons and logic would be different.

    It’ll be ironic if I get to watch the Bills/Jets matchup and Gracie’s stuck listening to it on Bills Radio.

  2. matt says:

    What exactly is the SI unit of suck level? I would suggest naming it after the Cleveland Browns, although much like the Bel, a single Brown is an almost unbearable amount of suckage. The decibrown would be a more common usage.

  3. Dan says:

    How ’bout dat Marshawn? Congrats, you got less than half the carries as the quarterback. Douche.

    I was a huge fan of how I turned on the WGR postgame show and the first thing I heard was complaints that the Bills ran up the score. Are you fucking kidding me!?

  4. Pitt says:

    @Dan,

    I don’t know anyone who would consider 31-14 as “running up the score”. Especially considering how many decibrowns the Bills have been emanating this year. I’d take every opportunity to make points that I could, were I them.

    @matt,

    I think the ‘brown” would be a more appropriate Imperial unit for SL. SI units are usually derived from something in nature, such as the wavelenth of a certain type of light, or the mass of a certain quantity of water. Imperial units are those wacky measurements derived from the king’s waistline or the size of the Queen’s daily bowel movement.

    Unfortunately, I don’t know anything that occurs naturally that has as much suck as the Cleveland Browns.

  5. Pitt says:

    And thus, we have proved the inferiority of the SI system of weights and measures.

  6. Dan says:

    @ Pitt,

    Oh I’m with you. I re-read my post and realize how poorly sarcasm can translate to type. My eloquent, “Are you fucking kidding me!?” was directed at the radio hosts in the 716, not at the Bills’ late touchdown.

    I amazes me how Bills analysts are never, ever, ever pleased. Even when we crush the Fins, complete with 2 late touchdowns that basically try to tell the league, “Yes, we are in fact an NFL team.”

  7. matt says:

    @Dan

    I saw a great t-shirt on eBay the other night:

    “Attention: Will the woman who abandoned her eleven children at Ford Field please return and pick them up. They’re currently leading the Lions by two touchdowns.”

    Substitute any high decibrown team you like.

  8. Adam says:

    Who would wine about running up the score any way this isn’t little loop football. Why would anyone complain about their home team winning even if they did run up the score. Sounds like someone bet on the Phins and got smoked.

  9. Pitt says:

    @Adam,

    Reminds me of that old S&N skit, “Fine moments in Sports Betting History”, where they pick a game where the losing team still, somehow, miraculously managed to cover the spread. Hilarious.

  10. Pitt says:

    Monday morning and the ole brain is still in Nuetral. I meant “SNL” skit. This post has been editted. PLease make a note of it.

  11. Adam says:

    Thats OK, I read it didn’t even notice the mistace and knew exectly what you were talking about.

    Side note. Whats up with TO running out of bounds all the time. Lets try getting someyards after the catch. He did it 3 times in the 3rd quarter we weren’t try to stop the clock or anything.

  12. Dan says:

    He wants to get the ball -> He wants to score -> He wants money next year with some team -> He’s 35 years old and not in his prime -> He doesn’t want to get hurt -> He doesn’t want to get hit -> He runs out of bounds.

    TO’s entire career is centered around TO, his Buffalo tenure is centered around TO, and he’s going to watch out for TO.

  13. Pitt says:

    @Dan,

    Let’s just hope his Buffalo tenure is short-lived. Buffalo needs players who are committed to Buffalo, not just using it as another notch in their headboard. His acronym is also very annoying to me.

  14. Kevin says:

    If we are instilling this SL measurement, wouldn’t a Metric version be referred to as a Leaf?

  15. matt says:

    @Dan

    Yep. He’s running the Marvin Harrison mode — avoid contact at any cost, because it could cause injury and reduce paychecks.

    @Kevin

    Indeed. That’s genius. In the Imperial system, suckage will be measured in decibrowns, while in Metric terms, it will be in kiloleafs.

  16. Pitt says:

    @matt & Kevin,

    Mark this moment, 78 minutes after 10, when we began using the standard measurement terms for SL.

    However, I’m a little slow. Why is the “leaf” an appropriate metric unit for SL?

    I propose the following abbreviations (because every legitimate measument unit has to have one): Kiloleafs (kl) and Decibrowns (Dbr)

  17. Adam says:

    @Pitt

    The “Leaf” they are reffering to is that of a maple tree, which is the logo of a certian hockey team that resides in a country using the metric system. Quite ingenious. One question, shouldent the metric unit of measure be an “Argo” since we are talking about football?

  18. matt says:

    @Adam

    I don’t think that the measure of SL is dependent upon the particular sport. If it was, we’d need different measurement scales for the Pittsburgh Pirates, the LA Clippers, the St. Louis Rams, and the Maple Leafs. While it’s true that these franchises suck to varying degrees — from perpetual to epic — I think a single scale could be used.

    My only concern is that “decibrowns” does sound suspiciously Metric for a standardized Imperial unit. Perhaps something more like “Quarterbrowns”?

  19. Adam says:

    I think you leave it as a “Brown” then use corrosponding units to measuser. EX: the bills are at 1/2 brown this season. EX: the Colts are at -10browns this year.

  20. Adam says:

    Just to make sure we are clear negative browns is a good thing. It just sounds bad because its a negative term. And the browns will always equal themselves. There could never be a browns team even a superbowl team that doesn’t equal brown.

  21. Dan says:

    @ Pitt,

    Does it make me a bad Bills fan to wish that he didn’t have that 98 yard TD because now he owns a Bills record? I mean, he’s now up there with Andre Reed and Bruce Smith even though he only came here for 1 year on a PR campaign. Besides, we lost that game anyway, so wishing that TD didn’t happen isn’t really a bad thing, is it?

  22. Pitt says:

    @Adam,

    So, brown = brown, for all levels of brown? Sounds like a good solution to me, well-grounded in scientific reason.

    @matt,

    We do use things like 10th of an inch, so its not uncommon to metricify Imperial units. That’s one of the nice things about Imperial units, you can use 1/10 of one, an eighth of one, or just about any stupid fraction or decimal you chose. But try telling some snooty Frenchman his pipe should be a quarter of a meter long and he’ll have you guillotined.

    Also, I think we should somehow work “epic” in as a prefix. “E”, if you like, since “e” already means 2.718281828… “Ebr” would be an epic level of brown suck.

  23. matt says:

    @Dan

    As soon as they announced that the 98 yard score was a record, Sue said “I bet someday they’re going to see that in the record books and say ‘Oh, that’s right, TO was in Buffalo for that one season. Who the hell is Fitzpatrick?'”

  24. Adam says:

    @Pitt

    I agree on the E for epic along with the epic amount. I think you would have to go 0 for 21 loosing all preseason games including the hall of fame game to to suck 2.718281828 times worse than the browns.

  25. matt says:

    @Pitt

    I specifically meant that the prefix “deci-” sounded too Metric-y for a good old fashioned American Imperial unit like the Brown. Maybe it should be like liquid mesaures?

    4 Quarterbrowns = 2 Halfbrowns = 1 Brown
    3 Quarterbrowns = 1 Brewer
    1 Quarterbrown = 1 Clipper

  26. Pitt says:

    @matt,

    Do you realize that fully one-half (or two quarters, or 5 tenths) of the comments for this entry are because of that last sentence you wrote in the original entry? Amazing.

    @Dan,

    N, I’m with you there. Bruce Smith and Andre Reed were Buffalo Bills. TO is an overpaid baby. And that gives babies a bad name.

  27. Pitt says:

    Oh, by the way, since the next game is in Toronto, that would be a _metric tonne_ of tickets left. 2000kg, or roughly 4400 pounds, or about 100*pi stone.

  28. matt says:

    @Pitt

    TO in TO. I can’t believe that the idiotic marketing hacks at One Bills Drive haven’t been running with that theme for the last six months.

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